Thank you @dana_canzano for helping out!
to answer 1, I'm pasting some more logs from debug.log I see (basically first VM stop the world error repeated-> conection time out then it stops running current query and go to my next cypher query in the cypher-shell.
2022-02-17 01:45:48.077+0000 INFO [o.n.k.a.p.GlobalProcedures] starting batching from `call apoc.load.jdbc($azure_url,
"select distinct m.measurement_id, m.visit_occurrence_id, m.measurement_concept_id, v.visit_concept_id, v.visit_start_date, v.visit_end_date
from omop.measurement m
join omop.visit_occurrence v
on v.visit_occurrence_id = m.visit_occurrence_id")
yield row
` operation using iteration `
match (m:Measurement {measurement_concept_id: row.measurement_concept_id})
match (v:VisitOccurrence {visit_concept_id:row.visit_concept_id})
merge (m)-[r:ASSOCIATED_DURING_VISIT {visit_occurrence_id:row.visit_occurrence_id,
visit_start_date:row.visit_start_date,
visit_end_date:row.visit_end_date,
measurement_id:row.measurement_id}]->(v)
` in separate thread
2022-02-17 01:46:44.330+0000 WARN [o.n.k.i.c.VmPauseMonitorComponent] Detected VM stop-the-world pause: {pauseTime=276, gcTime=307, gcCount=1}
2022-02-17 01:47:21.996+0000 ERROR [o.n.b.t.p.HouseKeeper] Fatal error occurred when handling a client connection: [id: 0xafcb7c11, L:/172.17.0.2:7687 - R:/10.120.14.85:60148] readAddress(..) failed: Connection timed out
io.netty.channel.unix.Errors$NativeIoException: readAddress(..) failed: Connection timed out
2022-02-17 01:47:21.997+0000 ERROR [o.n.b.t.p.HouseKeeper] Fatal error occurred when handling a client connection: [id: 0x6f3b153e, L:/172.17.0.2:7687 - R:/10.120.14.85:60149] readAddress(..) failed: Connection timed out
io.netty.channel.unix.Errors$NativeIoException: readAddress(..) failed: Connection timed out
2022-02-17 01:48:46.708+0000 WARN [o.n.k.i.c.VmPauseMonitorComponent] Detected VM stop-the-world pause: {pauseTime=578, gcTime=0, gcCount=0}
for 2, when I ran again neo4j-admin memrec after loading most of the nodes and edges I got super high pagecache recommendation - more than 450GB, is this expected?
# Based on the above, the following memory settings are recommended:
dbms.memory.heap.initial_size=31g
dbms.memory.heap.max_size=31g
dbms.memory.pagecache.size=459300m